Letters
by MiroTheCat
Summary: The trio has graduated, and Hermione is back at Hogwarts interning under Madam Pomfrey as part of her training to be a Healer while the boys are off training to be Aurors. These are the letters they exchange. Silly hijinks, drama, and romance. AU where some people survived who didn't in the books. Crossposted from TPP. Pairings will be kept a secret until they happen.
1. Chapter 1

10 July  
Dear Harry and Ron,

I'm settling in well back at Hogwarts. It's a bit strange to be here again, but I'm excited about this internship. The staff is thrilled to have me back - yes, all of them - and I'm slowly getting used to eating at the head table and calling everyone by their first names. Poppy promises that we'll begin work tomorrow, so I should not stay up too late writing this.

Work over the summer consists of doing inventory and restocking, updating and reorganizing records, staff physicals, and whatever may come up. Poppy assures me that the summer is an excellent time to ease into the work but will not be boring by any means. There are always hangovers, minor sprains, sunburns, and at least one exploding experiment over the summer. There is apparently something of a bell curve health-wise among the staff. The youngest and oldest always have something wrong with them, while the middle-aged are healthy as horses. I suspect I will be discovering much about the activities of the staff that we never dreamed as students. I have already spotted clotheslines strung out of windows that contain what seem to be bathing suits. Suddenly my wardrobe seems much too formal.

Love,  
Hermione

* * *

_I considered posting something brand shiny new, but not having much of a readerbase yet in this fandom, I decided it was better to crosspost this from my old TPP account to get attention and build one so that when I start posting new in-the-works stuff I have a bigger readerbase to give feedback. Anyway, enjoy!_


	2. Chapter 2

12 July  
Dear Hermione,

Bathing suits? Our teachers? I'm scarred for life. Tell me though, do they dress all formal over the summer, too? I'm guessing they don't but I can't picture them any other way.

It sounds like you won't be bored, but not busy either. Plenty of time for reading or recreation. I can just see you sunbathing with a fat book. And don't glare like that, you know I'm just teasing. I can't wait to hear what hijinks the teachers get up to when the students aren't around, so keep me posted.

We're doing well here in London, staying busy with training. There isn't much to report, as we're mainly reviewing and strengthening our basics at the moment, but if you get to be good at making Bruise Ointment, send some by. We get knocked on our tails a lot.

Love,  
Harry

13 July  
Dear Hermione,

I'm sure Harry already gave you all the news about our Auror training, which is just bruises and basics so far, so I'll tell you about the twins. They expanded their shop into the two on either side, and are doing a roaring business. I'll try to send you samples of any new products that could hurt someone, so you can be prepared when the students show up with them. I would also advise figuring out some antidote or indicator for the Skiving Snackboxes. Of course, I only suggest that because I'm no longer in a position to use them. Plus, it might keep Snape out of your hair for a while.

Can you get pictures of the teachers acting like fools? I would treasure them forever. Charm a shampoo bottle to chase Snape around, or something. And turn McGonagall's robes pink. Anything that'll be funny, so I can have a good laugh.

For that matter, keep me posted on anything funny that happens. After getting knocked around at training every day, Firewhiskey and comic relief are greatly needed. Send by some Bruise Ointment if you have any extra.

Love,  
Ron


	3. Chapter 3

14 July  
Dear Harry,

The teachers do not dress formally over the summer. Not in any sense of the word. I'm fairly certain that I have not yet seen Severus wear trousers since term ended. The other teachers occasionally put on shorts or jeans or skirts, but every time I've seen him he's been wearing swim trunks and some t-shirt, usually in support of either the Slytherin Quiddich team or some rock band. The other teachers tease him about his refusal to look respectable unless there are students around to see him. That's news to me, but Minerva tells me that he sometimes does this during the school year as well, to the point of occasionally showing up for staff meetings in his pajamas just to make the others feel as though they're keeping him from more pleasant things. I think during the school year he only does it for amusement - and I really can't blame him for relaxing and having a little fun now that Voldemort is gone - but in the summer months it's a necessity, since it must be awful slaving over potions in this heat. Plus, we all spend more time in the lake than out of it. Minerva is really the only one who dresses nicely for day-to-day living in the summer, and even she relaxes a lot. She doesn't bother to put her hair up, for one thing.

No hijinks so far, I'm afraid, except a few people getting dunked in the lake. I can't entirely blame whoever dunked Poppy. She was trying to discourage the men from starting a polar bear club, and I imagine that I would have found it tiresome too had her fussing been directed at me. (If you don't know, a polar bear club is a group that goes for predawn swims in very cold water every day. It's a way of proving one's manliness, I'm told.)

I have not yet learned to make Bruise Ointment, as so far we have only done inventory, but I will send some when I do. In the meantime, try not to fall so much.

Love,  
Hermione

15 July  
Dear Ron,

Yes, I've heard all about your bruises. They're just toughening you up before they kick your arse for real. Ask Tonks.

Sending me samples would be a wonderful idea. I talked to Poppy about it, and she thinks that not only will it prepare us for the school year, it will not increase our workload very much as the entire staff will be more than happy to help. I foresee a lot of amusement during the trial period.

I will purchase a camera next time I'm shopping, but I will not use it for mischief. Honestly Ron, grow up. I wouldn't play jokes on my colleagues just for your amusement. If I get dunked in the lake fully clothed as has happened to a few people, however, I might just have to get revenge. I doubt I'll be able to get pictures of that either, as I'll be running for my life!

Amusement factor: Poppy getting dunked in the lake. Remus's pink hair. Everybody denying knowing anything about how Remus's hair turned pink. Bets in the staff room about whether or not his fur will be pink in wolf form. I almost feel sorry for him.

As I told Harry, I'll send Bruise Ointment when I learn how to make it, but I don't know when that will be.

Love,  
Hermione

* * *

_I just love the idea of Snape in swim trunks. And him being a little bit of a troll. And Hermione is right, working over a hot cauldron in the summer? Yech. If I were him I'd be jumping in the lake to cool off every time the potion could go without attention for a few minutes._

_Eek eek eek I have to give a talk tomorrow. Yay conferences. They are so much more fun when I'm not a presenter._

_Oh and please vote in the poll on my profile for which story you want to see next! The HP and Avengers polls alternate which one is visible, so keep checking back!_


	4. Chapter 4

16 July  
Dear Hermione,

Your third sentence nearly gave me a heart attack. Don't do that to me. That insight into what happens behind the scenes is quite amusing though. I wish we'd caught him that way while we were at school. Talk about blackmail potential!

Send pictures? I know Ron already asked you to, but I'm asking again. I want to see the teachers out of uniform, so to speak. I'm not asking you to play any jokes, unlike him, so maybe you'll oblige me a little more willingly?

I can just imagine Madam Pomfrey getting dunked for fussing too much. If you don't know who did it, was it a spell? Could be useful to know, so inform me if you learn it. Playing in the lake sounds fun, but when do you find the time for getting any work done?

I still eagerly await that ointment! We're working on Shielding Charms now, which apparently are a whole class of charms. Who knew there were so many different ones?

Love,  
Harry

* * *

17 July  
Dear Hermione,

I asked. Tonks just smiled evilly.

The whole staff testing out the products? Wicked. I want to come help, and by help I mean have an excuse to try all these things on my dear old teachers. I wonder if I can get off training for that. Enclosed are the first shipment of samples.

I can't wait to see pictures, even if they're not of you playing jokes on people. I just want to see teachers doing stuff they'd never do in front of students. As to revenge if you get dunked... Well, I see your point. I've talked to Colin Creevey, and he says there's a good camera shop in Hogsmeade. It's called the Magical Memory Emporium, and they'll also develop your photos there if you don't dare ask Snape for the potion to do it yourself.

Pink hair, eh? Any guesses on who did that? More importantly, can you get the recipe/spell for me?

I had dinner with my family last night, and they asked about you. I told them that you're having a fun and educational time with your internship. I trust that was what you wanted them to hear? They are all well. The twins are rather rich now, so they've been helping with household expenses a bit. Mum's so tickled by the fancy cloak they bought her, she doesn't even mind the occasional trick wand or transformation pastry around the house. We'll see how long that lasts. Percy is as pompous as ever. Bill and Charlie are both engaged, but trying to keep it from Mum until the last minute so she won't try to help them plan the weddings. Ginny is thrilled that she'll get to see you around school come fall. They all send their best wishes.

Love,  
Ron


	5. Chapter 5

18 July  
Dear Harry,

Sorry. I'll try not to scare you like that again.

I now have a camera, but no pictures to send. I've taken a few, but I haven't had time to get them developed yet. Among them are, I believe, a bright pink wolf*, Crookshanks trying to romance a certain tabby cat (who did not appreciate it but didn't have enough space to transform because she'd been napping under her desk when he cornered her), the polar bear club getting caught sneaking out and being lectured by Poppy, Argus being chased around by one of his own brooms, and Pomona with a vine trailing out of her pocket and Mrs. Norris stalking the vine. I'll send them when I get a chance.

Yes, many dunkings are done with spells. I think the incantation is Aquasubris, but I'm not sure, so please don't try it until I confirm that.

We do spend a great deal of time swimming, but rest assured that we're working when we're not in the water. We started the staff physicals today, which more or less consist of kidnapping people straight out of the lake and giving them full checkups. I really don't see what's so bad about them, but everyone seems awfully reluctant. The only time anything unpleasant happens to them is when they resist it, and I haven't seen what happens to those people yet. Poppy sent me to confiscate all of Severus's Gillyweed stores while he was outside swimming today. Apparently most of the staff have tried to use it to avoid their checkups in the past. She gave me his passwords, but his supply cupboard was booby-trapped. We lost some time in removing my resulting tentacles, but at least we hid the Gillyweed and are certain that Aurora, Remus, Pomona, and ourselves are healthy, though Remus got a talking-to about eating healthy.

Love,  
Hermione

* * *

19 July  
Dear Ron,

I think the staff will have enough fun with the new products without your help. Septima tried to make off with the Lizard Lollys already, so I suspect things will get interesting quickly. There is debate about whether or not they will work on ghosts, and although she says she was going to try it on Cuthbert, I'm sure he wouldn't have been the only one.

Thank you for the tip about the camera shop. I dropped off a batch of photos to be developed today, so I'll have some funny shots to show you when I next get a chance to go in and pick them up.

Remus is convinced that Severus had something to do with the pink hair. Admittedly, he is the most likely candidate for something like that. He's denying it though, so I can't get the recipe from him. I'm waiting to see how Remus will retaliate, though I personally wouldn't dare, especially without really really conclusive proof that he did it.

Tell Bill, Charlie, and the twins all congratulations from me. Also, tell Ginny to please not get herself hurt just to see me more. I'd be happy to socialize with her any time that I don't have my hands full.

Love,  
Hermione

*An illustration of a very pink wolf can be found at art/Pink-Wolf-211969589, courtesy of the TPP user known as Persevero.


	6. Chapter 6

20 July  
Dear Hermione,

It sounds like the castle is a madhouse over the summer. I'm laughing just imagining the pictures you mentioned. Have you confirmed that incantation yet? I bet you have a lot of opportunities.

The staff physicals sound like an adventure, and the staff a little childish about it. What does Madam Pomfrey do to them when they try to hide from her? Have you found out yet?

I'm sorry about the tentacles, but that does seem the type of thing Snape would do. Has Madam Pomfrey punished him for hexing her intern? I bet she was pissed at him.

I ran into Neville in Diagon Alley the other day. He was buying an engagement ring and planning on proposing to Luna very soon. I expect she'll say yes, so I'm sure you'll be getting a wedding invitation soon.

Love,  
Harry

* * *

21 July  
Dear Hermione,

Fred and George want to know if their products will work on ghosts too. Please let us know when you find out so we can tell them. Has anyone else tried swiping anything?

Hurry up with the pictures! I want to see Lupin as a bright pink wolf! Do you have any of Filch and Pince together? I hear they've got a little romance going.

I'm with Lupin that it had to be Snape that turned him pink. The idea of Snape playing a joke on anyone is completely absurd, but who else could do it? A spell wouldn't last this long, so it had to be a potion, right? And I doubt anyone but him could brew up a really permanent hair dye on the staff. I bet he dyes his own hair anyway; he's the only one not going grey.

Tell Lupin to be careful with his revenge. I would not want to annoy Snape.

I passed on your messages. Mum says to tell you to pop in for dinner any time; they'd love to see you. You're probably used to gourmet fare from the house-elves though, so I don't blame you if you don't. For that matter, come visit your bruised and tired Auror apprentice friends in London! We miss you.

Love,  
Ron

* * *

_Poll now back to the HP one. Please vote!_


	7. Chapter 7

22 July  
Dear Harry,

Yes, I confirmed the incantation. Albus himself was using it on people this morning. The first roll of film has been developed, and copies of the best few are enclosed. My personal favorite is Aurora, Septima, and Sybil being chased around the lake by the remote control shark that the twins sent while Remus and Severus sit in a tree fighting over the remote control and laughing their arses off. It was taken right before the two men fell out of the tree and had to come get patched up. Which is your favorite?

Poppy claims that she has actually spanked a few teachers for being especially childish about trying to avoid staff physicals. Not for a few years, but she swears that if anyone tries gillyweed one more time, she'll start again. They did not try it this year as I seem to have been able to hide all of it, so I have yet to witness this. I may later, as her defense of the practice was that Minerva has done it too. Whether or not that's true I think I'll behave myself (at least for the most part). And no, she has not done anything to Severus yet. I think she would have if she hadn't been distracted by the need to lecture him about taking his medicine. I don't know what that was about, as I was finishing up with Sybil at the time and I haven't read all the staff records yet.

I've sent my congratulations to Neville and Luna already. The invitation arrived in the morning post today. I'm glad that they're settling down together; they're such a cute couple.

Love,  
Hermione

* * *

23 July  
Dear Ron,

The samples you sent seem to have no effect on the ghosts. Cuthbert didn't even notice; the others seemed merely amused. As Harry may have passed on to you, Remus and Severus managed to make off with the remote control shark and spent the afternoon chasing swimmers around with it until they fell out of the tree where they were hiding, resulting in a fractured tailbone and a fractured arm. Poppy was much less amused than I was, but at least I got some practice healing broken bones. Other prank items have been steadily disappearing as well and reappearing in amusing places, but we haven't caught the culprit(s). (Does that tell you something about how different the staff is over the summer?)

How did you like the pictures? I haven't caught Argus and Irma together, but I think I had a few good ones in there.

I agree with your reasons that Severus was probably the one who turned Remus pink, and by the way, I've gotten the impression that he is the main perpetrator of jokes around here. Shocking, huh? However, he does not dye his hair. He's just the youngest teacher and not malnourished, unlike the next youngest (Remus, of course). Remus is trying to get his hands on some Muggle hair dye. I think you can guess why.

I'll come by and visit you two poor bruised boys when we have down time, which should be just before the students arrive. Poppy thinks we'll be done plenty early for that. Same for dinner with your family.

Love,  
Hermione

* * *

_Sorry for the delay. The past week has been hell. Certain people went out of their way to try and sabotage me earlier this year, and I'm still trying to clean up the mess they made. I'd been kind of planning to move on to my next adventure in a new and exciting place sometime next year anyway (hey I'm young, I'm not ready to settle) but this has solidified it. I'm relocating when my current apartment lease is up. I'm not sure where yet, that'll depend where I'm made the best offer, but it's not going to be in this area. I'm ready for a change of scene (and colleagues) and a fresh start._


	8. Chapter 8

24 July  
Dear Hermione,

Thanks for the spell. I dunked Ron in a rain barrel this morning on the way to training. We were a little bit late and a little bit wet, and our excuse that we were practicing sparring on our way in got us used for demonstrations (and therefore knocked down even more) but it was totally worth it.

The photos are brilliant. I did like the shark incident one quite a lot, but I think my favorite was Dumbledore's swim trunks. I am curious to know though, how did Trelawney get lobsters stuck in her hair? I don't remember any products involving lobsters being sent. Then again, if Fred and George can come up with these things, why not our dear old teachers? It sounds from your letters like they are very much capable of getting into mischief.

If Pomfrey or McGonagall lose their tempers with anyone, please get photos? I would pay a fortune for them.

Huh. Something wrong with Snape? Ron made a few nasty cracks when he read that part over my shoulder, but I'm intrigued. Git though he is, I wouldn't want anything to happen to him. He's just part of the Hogwarts experience. Besides, from what all you've written about him, he seems a lot more human now than when we were students. I bet you're not allowed to share information like that about patients though, so I won't get my hopes up too high about finding out.

Love,  
Harry

* * *

25 July  
Dear Hermione,

Thanks so much for teaching Harry that spell. I haven't been dry since.

I can imagine Madam Pomfrey's reaction to their broken bones. I'm with you (and presumably Lupin and Snape) on that though, the entertainment would have been worth it. And as you said, at least you got some valuable practice out of it! The picture was amazing. Almost as good as being there. I showed all the pictures to the twins, and they got a kick out of them too. I liked the human skipping stone one. Did Vector know she was going to bounce off the water?

Fred says he's going to send a dye catalogue to Lupin. Let me know what happens, will you?

We started doing wrestling in training today. I seriously regretted the big dinner and drinks I had last night with Seamus and Dean. Both of them are doing well, by the way. Seamus asks that you give his best regards to Madam Pomfrey and tell her that he hasn't blown himself up a single time since leaving school. That is a pretty impressive feat for him. Remember when he tried to turn water into rum first year?

Love,  
Ron

* * *

_So much for updating weekly-ish. I've been super busy lately. My workload abruptly picked up (partially my fault for allowing myself to get out of practice at some things and now having to relearn them) and I'm also job hunting because as I mentioned earlier I've decided to relocate when my obligations here are up. So...sorry._


End file.
